Just something from a long time ago.

Written for an ex as we almost had one last night about a year after he broke up with me on Valentine's Day (because he couldn't take the guilt of having cheated on me multiple times) and after a certain abduction by someone else. We didn't actually have that kind of last goodbye, but part of me wished we had...

Lies In Passion; Passion In Truth

I smile and avert my eyes, playing coy and innocent to hide the secrets you already know. My feelings show in my movements: a touch of nerves sends my fingers through my hair. Inside my shoes, my toes curl. My cheeks blush from the compliment in your gaze, the hunger in your smile. Eyes locked on lips in silent agreement; this is getting dangerous. Never one to back down from temptation (even when it leads to destruction), I look back at you, into your eyes. You see all there is with my defenses down. The smile that lingers even as I lean closer. The truth in my surrender. The passion ignited from just a brush of skin against skin. Your fingers trail down my face as the burning lust in my eyes tells you just how far beyond the edge we’ve already gone. There’s no turning away now. Lips meet and tingle with the sensation of coming home again and knowing that I’m exactly where I want to be. Hands touch, move, slide down backs and chests; waiting to be closer, to have more… be more. Clothing disappears behind doors shut in haste, and our frenzy stills as we look into eyes dazed with heat and yearning. This is dangerous… but it’s not enough. We are slowed down by thought but moved by tenderness and desire. On a bed covered in pillows, we seek Heaven down a path paved in sin. In that moment, your arms encircle my world. Your heart holds mine. What haven could be better? The dance continues. The play between bodies and minds twists and turns, growing faster, wilder… combustible. Reason flees and thoughts are too much for the plane of existence where the two of us are the only inhabitants. Words are beyond me as I purr my need into your ear. The rhythm of lust beats fast, and we go faster still. Headlong into bliss, pleasure, oblivion… heaven. You are my heaven. Spilling out of myself with a moan I don’t recognize as emanating from my lips, I see us from above. I see you. Dazed, my vision slowly returns to me as I feel our legs intertwined. Sleep will claim us soon. Peace settles like a blanket over our heated bodies. We curl up, fitting our bodies together like puzzle pieces, and for the first time in a year, I know I will sleep comfortably and perfectly safe. There’s only a tiny part of my mind and heart that acknowledges the pain of the treachery and betrayal. We will sleep tonight, but tomorrow, it ends. I will leave this place, leave your smile, leave you behind without a backward glance. Though it might kill me, it might steal my breath and stop my heart, I’ll be gone, walking away from the one person I will always love. You should never have left me, betrayed me, hurt me. That is the only thing that soothes the pain enough to bear this: You want me, and you can never have me back.

Bad Poetry

Ancient Fantasy 

A thousand angels fall

As ten thousand ages pass.

The feather and the stone

Showing that nothing lasts.

The fiery sun of her hair;

The ocean storm of her eyes.

The erotic fantasy of her smile;

A million deaths of her goodbyes.

A darkened sky flies into midnight

As stars twinkle in their defiance.

The moon bright with blood,

The red smile of deliverance.

The smokey haze of my confidence,

The fall of mercy and grace.

The ejaculation of paradise, 

The violence of death’s embrace.

A moment in eternity

Is like a drop of rain in the sea.

An eternity spent in a moment 

Is my fate, the only one I see.

Death smiles with gnawing teeth, 

With outstretched arms and claws revealed.

My beauty, my love, my darling heart,

Betrays me with a kiss sealed

By fate’s hand, and I will die.

In dying, know that fantasy made real

Betrays the soul of man, 

And makes the flesh to feel.

Untitled

I am alone.

Walking the street, couples surround me. Their happy faces glow in the eyes of the one they adore. Underneath the mask of love, it is all the same: feat eats away souls unaware.

I am darkness.

There was a flame inside that was extinguished by betrayal. My love was the victim as the sun poured in. Fear murdered my heart.

I am death.

Eyes see nothing but destruction as pain becomes pleasure. Blood spills down my hands as I wipe away the evidence of emotion. It is better than being numb.

I am nothing.

Shadows crowd me as I withdraw from the scenes played out before me. You were once mine. I have no meaning.

I am forsaken.

On my knees, I cry out. There is nothing, no one to answer my pleas. You are gone. Anger takes over, and I lose my salvation to the glorious heat of sins never to be forgotten. Your betrayal changed me, killed me, yet I still breathe. Now, there is an eternity to exact my revenge.

Distraction

Moments of weakness

Bring me to this place.

I need a distraction.

I long to see your face.

The world gets too big,

And my heart, too heavy.

I just want some peace

And to be happy.

What I wouldn’t give to 

Spend a day in your arms.

Shut out the world,

And surrender to your charms.

Your kiss might be lethal

And your touch, my death,

But to have that day,

I’d gladly give my last breath.

You seem to be

Just the distraction I need.

When nothing goes right,

And morning only brings tears,

I want to drown in your body,

Have you kiss away my fears.

Holding you close with

Our tangled legs uncovered.

The only heaven I seek

Is to be your lover.

What wouldn’t I give to

Spend a night in your eyes?

To taste the passion of Eden

And trust in the lies?

Our bodies dipped in

Wine, sweat, and ecstasy

While you hold me captive, 

A prisoner of Divinity.

You seem to be 

Just the distraction I need.

Embers and Ashes

I saw your face today

In an old photograph on a wall

And I couldn’t stop the pain

From pouring down my face.

It seemed the past was on my tongue

Like a bittersweet aftertaste

Almost forgotten in the years that have come and gone.

We are all just embers in the fire.

The winds of time blow hard and free.

They still, become calm,

But life continues on.

We are the embers, sparks of life

Or dying charcoal.

We all have a part to play,

And I still miss the spark you gave to me.

I can still see your smile

So kind and full of joy.

You were a gift I never fully understood.

Gone from me before spark had passed.

Now, all is ashes and dust

Still blown about as time marches on.

We are all just ashes-to-be

Still clinging to the warmth of life

As we burn, burn away

Everything but our true selves

Embers in the fire of life

Burning too brightly to last

As I ask myself, who were you

In the end, when the light went out?